Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth.
For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures,
and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love. - Sir Francis Bacon
This morning I attended a new parents' morning tea at my daughter's new high school. As I looked across the sea of parents and teachers sipping coffee, eating cake and chatting, I realised that I didn't know a single person.
I looked around to see if there were any other loners I might sidle up to, teacup in hand, but no, everybody was talking to somebody else. Nobody noticed me at all, and nobody ventured to speak to me. At that point I very nearly turned around and walked straight out of there.
Eventually I observed a couple of teachers with name badges and introduced myself. They in turn introduced me to several mothers and I made small talk to strangers for about half an hour before making my escape.
When my daughter came home from school I told her about my experience at the morning tea. She said that it had been the same for her; not knowing anyone, seeing groups of people who knew each other and wondering if she should - or could- break in and introduce herself. Knowing her strong and sociable personality I am sure she will make good friends quickly.
There are many good things about moving to a new city - being forced out of one's comfort zone; visiting new places; making new friends.
Yet over and over again there is that moment I think we all dread, being alone in a crowd and not knowing where to begin.
For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures,
and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love. - Sir Francis Bacon
This morning I attended a new parents' morning tea at my daughter's new high school. As I looked across the sea of parents and teachers sipping coffee, eating cake and chatting, I realised that I didn't know a single person.
I looked around to see if there were any other loners I might sidle up to, teacup in hand, but no, everybody was talking to somebody else. Nobody noticed me at all, and nobody ventured to speak to me. At that point I very nearly turned around and walked straight out of there.
Eventually I observed a couple of teachers with name badges and introduced myself. They in turn introduced me to several mothers and I made small talk to strangers for about half an hour before making my escape.
When my daughter came home from school I told her about my experience at the morning tea. She said that it had been the same for her; not knowing anyone, seeing groups of people who knew each other and wondering if she should - or could- break in and introduce herself. Knowing her strong and sociable personality I am sure she will make good friends quickly.
There are many good things about moving to a new city - being forced out of one's comfort zone; visiting new places; making new friends.
Yet over and over again there is that moment I think we all dread, being alone in a crowd and not knowing where to begin.
5 comments:
Yikes!
Yep, I remember those times when my kids each started kinder/primary/high school, it's a gut-wrenching feeling but a big smile and a friendly 'hello' makes a difference over a cuppa tea.
i know how this feels too. like you, i have moved to adelaide about 14 months ago and i still haven't made that many friends. and because i came from the philippines married to a white man, some people have prejudices and misconceptions about me which makes it harder for me to cope. no one even talks to me in class. if only they get to know me better, they'll know that i am a lawyer back home and i am not a mail order bride and that i am actually quite nice.
Gee, you would think that the Parents & Friends committee would have assigned someone to greet new-comer parents who look a little lost at their 'welcome' morning tea! That's the whole idea of those get togethers. It's a shame, I hope you did eventually meet some friendly people who you can say G'day to next time you meet.
I think high schools tend not to make you feel so welcome. Your children are expected to tackle the world on their own. It's a big wrench going from being needed to do reading/craft activities at their primary school to being 'not required' at their high school.
Cheers - Joolz
You're a braver soul than I. I would've left. It's the introvert within that every so often screams at me to run away!
Thank you for the reminder though Kate. On Monday, when our kids start back, there will be new parents and they'll be feeling just like you and you've reminded me that I have the opportunity and responsibility to make sure I do my bit to welcome those new parents.
That would be extremely hard for me too! I often feel extremely alone even in a crowd of people that I know, so a crowd of strangers would be a nightmare.
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