blueberry flowers and nasturtiums
When I went to pick up my first-grader at school today he was hiding as usual with his two best buddies near the boys' toilets. After I extracted my son from his (very stinky) hiding spot, I noticed that a new little boy from Pakistan was sitting all by himself, with no one to play with.
When I went to pick up my first-grader at school today he was hiding as usual with his two best buddies near the boys' toilets. After I extracted my son from his (very stinky) hiding spot, I noticed that a new little boy from Pakistan was sitting all by himself, with no one to play with.
Expecting his usual, sweet-natured compliance, I asked my son to go over to Abdullah and ask him to play. To my shock, the response was, "No, I don't want to play with him. He's stinky. He doesn't play any good games, only boring ones like chasey." Then he laughed with his friends, who repeated what he said.
I was appalled. I couldn't believe my kind, loving, generous child could say such a thing. Or be so thoughtlessly cruel, even if he was just being silly and showing off. Fortunately, none of this was said within earshot of Abdullah.
Needless to say, I have talked to my son about how hard it is to be a new person and not have many friends. And that I expect him to be kind and let Abdullah join in, in future. I will also be speaking to their teacher tomorrow to see if the boys can do some activities together in class. Hopefully I will have the opportunity to introduce myself to Abdullah's parents in the near future.
Have you ever dealt with an issue like this? What did you do? How do we teach young children to be sensitive to the needs of others?
Postscript: When I arrived at school yesterday my son ran over to say that he played chasey with Abdullah all through lunchtime and they're friends now. I'll continue to keep an eye on this situation.
Postscript: When I arrived at school yesterday my son ran over to say that he played chasey with Abdullah all through lunchtime and they're friends now. I'll continue to keep an eye on this situation.
3 comments:
My girls have changed schools during their Primary years, so they know how it felt to be the new kid. I have always appealed to their own memory of how that felt and encouraged them to be inclusive. Fortunately my kids are either extroverts or very caring and so they have always included new kids and made fast friends.
I think it is a good idea to have a chat with the teacher. Being excluded in the playground is such a tough thing to experience. Kids need to be reminded that they might need to teach new students the games they play. And if there is a personal hygiene issue going on, that should be addressed with the parents, for the child's own emotional wellbeing.
Good luck! It's hard for the children of diligent parents to be the friend they know they should be. Especially when they know they too will be unpopular for it.
IME 6yos aren't usually deliberately nasty; they just haven't developed good manners yet. But your son's words were cruel -- there might be some older children who are having a bad influence on the little ones. I agree re speaking to the teacher.
so hard to see from your own kiddo... who you have loved and sacrificed for even when he wanted to play silly games:(
I have seen it myself in my own kids... right now b/c they are copying older kids. I do appeal to how that would make them feel if someone was tauting or laughing at them OR not playing with them.
The great news is that your son did say he played with the little boy!! Maybe just having you point it out spurred on his conscience!!
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